Column: How to cut through your negative playlist when things go wrong

“We all have our pet anxieties, the ones we inexplicably nurture and, consequently, cause us much angst. We create our own dilemmas.”

by Celia Iannelli

Did you ever experience a week from hell? 

I just did.

First, my dishwasher dropped dead — and without a pre-existing condition!  Then, I received a phone call saying the cost of heating my home far exceeded the prior year’s budget plan. Consequently, I owed mega bucks.

And, of course, the second half of my property taxes were due — and you know what property taxes are like on Long Island. 

My bank account sprang a leak; watching it drain was scary.

Scarier still? My heart began to beat. My old pal anxiety was taking up residence in my fried brain and taunting me with the ole’: “Girl! You are having a heart attack.”

And my all-time favorite: the bag lady song. It began playing non-stop.

(The song is an oldie but a goodie on my personal playlist.)

I pulled myself together; it took effort. Eventually, I began to respond to each issue —  rather than react — leaving my sanity intact.

Most of us have experience things going wrong; it’s the human experience. So why do we make it worse on ourselves?

Consider this: There is a common belief that bad things happen in sets of three. The news headlines scream of natural disasters, celebrity deaths and couple breakups. Ever wonder why good things don’t seem to happen in sets of three? Or are even get reported?

I feel that the “bad” things impact and blind us to the good in our lives. How sad is that — and more so, why is that?

We all have our pet anxieties, the ones we inexplicably nurture and, consequently, cause us much angst. We create our own dilemmas, often because we’re stuck in a woe-is-me mindset. 

And let’s face it: Self-pity is seductive.

The most common fears are: illness or death, rejection, commitment, failure, success, intimacy, not having enough, confined places, leaving our comfort zone. That’s only the tip of the iceberg.

You probably have your own shopping bag full of scary stuff.

Why do we do it? Why do we get so fearful? 

Life happens, right? Dishwashers break, couples split, kids disappoint us, money is tight, the mother -in-law is a pain in the butt, the boss is a moron, and so on.

As adults, we should know that life is a series of adjustments and readjustments.

Yet we fail to grasp this simple truth: It’s not what happens around us or directly to us; it’s how we respond — “respond” being the operative word.

First, when we choose to respond, it’s easier to acknowledge a problem or an issue. 

Then take a step back metaphorically or physically — especially if you want to punch the lights out of somebody — for a wider context that involves less of you and your ego. Acknowledge and accept your initial emotional responses. Only then you can respond in a constructive manner.

This is no easy task; there’s no magic pill — but it’s possible.  We can ask ourselves: Is this situation fixable or salvageable?  

Or is anxiety sabotaging us?

How often do we get caught up in a situation and become so absorbed by the built-up magnitude of solving the problem, that we lose sight that life is whizzing by?

In my personal Greek Tragedy, the dishwasher was replaced, all the bills paid, and the bag lady hit the road — for now!

Sometimes there’s no visible end to the problems that beset us. But it’s up to us to decide to let it go. Yup, let go of control;  it’s only an utter illusion, anyway.

But playing that familiar negative playlist repeatedly will produce negative results, as it always has.

Mastering our emotions means cutting through our own noise and and finding our true feelings and our strength. If there is something we can do, do it! If not, suck it up. 

The thing is this, whatever happened usually doesn’t herald the end of the world.

But it could. Your choice.

Celia Iannelli writes from her sometimes off-kilter perspective. She’s a Suffolk County resident and a people person who finds humor in everyday, mundane situations — yet knows about the heartbreaking curve balls life can hurl. You can email her at [email protected].

Photo by Patrick Tomasso on Unsplash