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Carolyn Infantas met Chris Durham when they were 13; she remembered the Commack officer as “my family” and “my home”
How do you fit almost a lifetime of knowing someone into one Facebook post?
For Carolyn Infantas, it took dozens of photos, a stack of love letters and just about word she could find.
In a long, heartfelt tribute shared publicly Sunday night, six days after the sudden and unexpected death of her fiancé, Suffolk Police Officer Christopher Durham, Infantas told the story of their life together, the future they had planned, and a message she hopes everyone who reads it takes to heart.
“You weren’t just my boyfriend or my fiancé,” she wrote. “You were my family. You were my home.”
When reached by Greater Long Island, Infantas was brief but clear: “Yes, please share our story.”
‘Life always had a way of bringing us back’
Durham and Infantas dated when they were young and went their separate ways, Infantas wrote, “but somehow life always had a way of bringing us back to each other.”
The Plainview native remembered Durham, who graduated from Hicksville High School, as the first boy who ever bought her flowers, and the two-page love letter he wrote to her when she was 19.
They reconnected for good after she came home from disaster relief work in the Midwest. She was living on her own on the 21st floor of a Forest Hills apartment building, and she’ll never forget his first visit.
“You literally walked around opening every single door in my apartment and kept saying ‘THIS IS YOUR PLACE?! WOW I AM SO PROUD OF YOU,'” she wrote.
“And after that, you literally never left.”
They moved in together in September 2022 and built a partnership where neither kept score.
“We invested in each other. We poured into each other,” wrote Infantas, noting that the couple later moved an apartment in Commack so Durham would be closer to work. “We were a team and everyone who knew us saw that.”
When Durham worked the 3-to-11 evening shift, Infantas had dinner waiting on the table, no matter how late he got home. And when he worked 7 a.m. to 3 p.m., she woke up early to pack his lunch.
He took care of her, too, she wrote, often in quieter ways.
“You were always so level headed and funny,” she wrote. “You were always the person who could bring me back down to earth when I was overwhelmed. … You were my peace Chris.”
‘We had so many plans’
Durham encouraged Infantas to step away from full-time work and finish nursing school, she wrote, so that she could become a psychiatric mental health nurse practitioner.
The couple planned to buy their first home once she graduated and they dreamed of a wedding in Italy in December 2027. They discussed raising children, and looked forward to having a backyard for their dog, Koda.
“We had so many plans Chris,” she wrote. “Every part of my everyday life involved you. And now I am supposed to somehow figure out how to do all of those things without you.”
‘Check on your friends’
Infantas also wrote about the pain Durham carried privately.
“I wish I had known how much you were hurting,” she wrote. “I don’t think I will ever fully understand what happened and I am trying to accept that there are questions I may never have answers to.”
She explained that she was sharing her thoughts and their story because “mental health is real and I think we need to have more conversations about it.”
“From the outside, we were building a beautiful life. But that doesn’t mean someone isn’t struggling internally,” she wrote. “Someone can go to work, laugh with their friends, make plans for the future and still be dealing with things that nobody else fully understands.”
Infantas urged readers not to judge people or make assumptions by what they see on the outside.
“Check on your friends. Check on your family. Check on the people who always seem to have everything together,” she wrote. “Especially the people who are always taking care of everyone else.
“And if you are struggling please talk to someone,” she continued. “Please ask for help. … You deserve the opportunity to get better.”
‘I want people to know how much he was loved’
Infantas stressed that she wants people to remember what Durham brought to the lives of everyone around him.
“I want people to remember how funny he was. How level headed he was. How he could make everyone around him feel comfortable,” she wrote. “How much he loved his family, his friends, and his brothers and sisters in blue.”
She thanked his fellow officers and the couple’s friends, along with everyone who came to his wake, funeral Mass and burial. Infantas also shared her gratitude to the hundreds of individuals who have donated to the GoFundMe she started after her fiancé’s death.
“I am so grateful for the village of people who stepped up when we needed them most,” she wrote.
Durham, a former NYPD cop who patrolled parts of Harlem before joining the Suffolk Police Department, died Oct. 19 at home in Commack. His funeral Mass was held Friday at St. Rose of Lima Catholic Church in Massapequa.
Durham was the second active member of the department to die this month. Det. Alexandra “Ali” DeLeonardo Infante of Ronkonkoma died suddenly on Oct. 12.
In the days after their deaths, Suffolk Police Commissioner Kevin Catalina told Greater Long Island that the department is stepping up support for its members.
“It is important to remember that behind the badge and uniform are human beings with emotions,” Catalina said.
Infantas closed her post with a final wish.
“Please take care of each other and please be kind to one another,” she wrote. “You truly never know what someone else is going through.”
“I love you so much Chris. In this life and the next.”
If you or someone you know is struggling, call or text 988 to reach the 988 Lifeline, available 24/7.
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Top: Suffolk Police Officer Christopher Durham and his fiancée, Carolyn Infantas, who shared their love story in a public Facebook post (Facebook).
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